LOVING TO GET HIGH SYNDROME

I’ve created a list of things that our sons and daughters want and need.

Acceptance, Adventure, Affection, Affluence, Appreciation, Belonging, Bliss, Boldness, Care, Cleverness, Confidence, Connection, Control, Coolness, Courage, Curiosity, Desire, Determination, Devotion, Dignity, Discovery, Ecstasy, Encouragement, Energy, Enjoyment, Entertainment, Enthusiasm, Experience, Fairness, Fame, Family, Fashion, Freedom, Fun, etc.

This is a partial “List of Values” important to our kids. It includes A-F, only 6 of the 26 letters in the alphabet. As short as this list is, it speaks volumes about their emotional wants and needs.

As a parent we need to ask ourselves and our kids, “How’s it going?” “Are you getting what you want and need?” “What can I do to help?”

Meeting and fulfilling lifes wants and needs helps determine lifes outcome. What can we do to make this happen?

It’s time I give my son some praise.

Christmas Eve is always a big deal at our house. A lot of food, music, family, friends, gifts and games. This year was no exception. We had a Christmas Carole Sing Along with my mother on piano and a friend Rebecca, on Fiddle. Wonderful. The food was spectacular. Our youngest daughter is a Pastry Chef and our youngest son a Food Chef. Their creations were the best they have ever been.

My son, who gave me the inspiration to this web-site, “Wowed” me with his cooking. Short-Ribs and Brussel Spouts, the best I’ve ever had.  He has developed into a talented and successful Chef. His contribution to our family is significant.

Maybe the key to this success is similar to the key to his loving to get high, PASSION. He is passionate about cooking, food preparation, food presentation, his job, his co-workers and his customers. This passion is being directed into something that he is proud of and wants to show-off. For that I am very grateful.

Son, you are doing great, I’m proud of you.

P.S. I’ve discovered that if you want to comment on my blog you need to first click on the “Title of the Post”, which will take you to a page where you can leave a comment. Your comments are greatly appreciated.

One of the best things that we can give our kids is the Freedom to Fail. In failure they will find success; their own success. This success will be hard fought, well deserved, something that they can be proud of. But it comes from their willingness to deal with the choices and consequences connected to their use of a MAC. (Mood Altering Chemical) More accurately, this success will happen, if we, as parents, allow them to fail.

 Our son who “loves to get high” has been hugely successful in his own way and on his own terms. His first year out of high school, he was enrolled in college. We were paying for his books and tuition. He was getting up in the morning and leaving, but he wasn’t attending classes; at all. After we figured this out, we asked him get a job, pay $200 a month in rent or to move out. He moved out. We stopped paying for his car insurance and cell phone. It was time for him to learn how much it was going to cost to live on his own.

 Since that time his success has been by his own initiative. He’s now 24. He’s grown up, paid his bills, cleaned up his credit, held down a job for years and started his own business. He made all of this happen independent of us and our financial support. We gave him the freedom to fail. In this failure he has found success.

 At the time, the emotions connected to this situation were hard to deal with. It caused a lot of stress. We started asking ourselves, “are we doing the right thing? Will he survive without our help? Will he resent us for doing this?” He actually started to flourish. He’s thankful that we pushed him out of the nest.

 We need to remember, it is their life, and it will be their success when they put it all together. At the same time we will be honoring them as individuals. Freedom is usually a very important value for a young person. By allowing them to make choices, we honor their desire for freedom. The Freedom to Succeed!