LOVING TO GET HIGH SYNDROME

No matter who we are, we all have the same Values.

How could this be true? It is not the presence or absence of values, we all work off of the same list, it is how important  they are to us. How we prioritize them? How we honor them?

If your number one value is concern for others and your son/daughters number one value is friendship, you may assume that there would be no conflict. At first glance they seem completely compatible, but when you look more closely, you can see that values can give us something to fight about.

Hidden in your message of “concern for others” may be the opinion, “You are not concerned about me”. His/her value of friendship may communicate the message, “Quit bugging me about my friends!”

List of values.

(Circle your top 5 values and ask your son or daughter to do the same.)

Accomplishment,    Concern for others,    Creativity,    Pleasure,   Spirituality,    Accountability,    Power,    Reliability,    Discovery,   Freedom,   Honesty,   Openness,   Respect,   Friendship,    Independence,   Privacy,   Trust.

Discuss the results. What does it say about your relationship? Do these values reflect behaviors? Resentments? Opinions?

Loving to get high is an intense commitment to values.

Independence, freedom, friendship, creativity, pleasure, spontaneity are easily honored values in the life of a young person who loves to get high.

As a parent let’s not assume that “I have good values and you don’t”. It’s not true. What we need to look at is what we’ve attached these values to.

As a parent you need to ask, “Have I attached accountability, honesty and trust to trying to control my kid”?  Has your teen attached independence, privacy and freedom to getting high?

We all have the same list of values, let’s start talking about what they mean to us. Let the learning begin.

• When you get a call late Saturday night telling you that your son has overdosed and is in the Emergency Room, your DENIAL is confronted.
• When the Principal calls and tells you that your daughter has been suspended for coming to school drunk, your DENIAL is confronted.
• When you wake up in the middle of the night and your car and your kid are gone, your DENIAL is confronted, or at least it should be.

It can be devastating to all of a sudden realize that your kid is in trouble. Why didn’t I figure this out earlier? What else is going on? Will they be OK? Is this just a one time occurrence?  Which one of their friends can I blame this on? We start asking ourselves a thousand questions, all in a way of coming to terms with this new discovery.

Our DENIAL is confronted by something that happens to our kid, something that we can no longer ignore. This confrontation comes from a consequence. It’s a consequence of their alcohol/drug use, of loving to get high. Up ‘til now they have dodged the bullet, avoided being found out success and fully covered their tracks.

For some kids this has been easy, because we have helped them out. We’ve had our head in the sand. We’ve continued to say things like; “Not my kid!” and “Boys will be boys!” or “At least it was only Alcohol!”

This is what we call Denial. We love our kids and don’t want bad things to happen to them, so it’s easy to understand how and why this happens. But we need to put this idea aside and realize that pretending as if this didn’t exist doesn’t help anyone.

Consequences are a sign that things are out-of-control. Loving to get high is starting to catch up on our kid. This doesn’t mean that problems didn’t exist before; it just means that we didn’t see it or that they were able to keep it a secret.

My hope is that the “loving to Get High Syndrome™” and this blog will help parents wake up sooner, rather than later. And to not experience that frightening phone call in the middle of the night or the embarrassing call from the Principal. Before things are out of control, we need to remember that we are in control of how we perceive things. It’s time to take a deep breath and confront the possibility that our kid might love to get high and they are doing everything possible to keep it a secret.

The Partnership For a Drug Free Americacontinues to post great resources for parents, check out Dr. Drew Pinsky speaking about “When Addiction Runs in the Family”.