LOVING TO GET HIGH SYNDROME

Happy 75th Birthday AA

Twenty years ago on a cold snowy winter night in Akron Ohio, a co-worker and I visited the home of Dr. Bob, Co-Founder of Alcoholics Anonymous. Over the course of the evening a dozen or so members of the Founders Fellowship dropped in for support, fellowship and some black coffee. It was an absolute honor to hang out in Dr. Bob’s kitchen and talk about sobriety with a direct line to where it all started. At that time they were celebrating 55 years of helping Alcoholics stay sober.

Imagine the lives that have been touched in the past 20 years. Teens who were attending AA at that time are now parenting there own sons and daughters trying to figure out if they are in need of a meeting and the Fellowship that helps people of all ages stay sober

In honor of this 75th Birthday, this is an excerpt from the Minneapolis Star Tribune from July 9, 2010.

“My name is Chas. I’m an Alcoholic. I stumbled into my first AA meeting in the fall of 1997. I had been a hard drinker for 20 years, and a serious drinker for 10. I had lost my job, was about to lose my family and was having serious health problems. My Doctor said that I had to stop drinking.”

“That was impossible. Life without alcohol was unimaginable. I had been an anxious kid and a morose teenager. I’d suffered from depression and panic attacks. Drinking wasn’t a problem but a solution: Booze made me feel normal.” This is why your kid might be dating a drug, getting high isn’t a problem, it’s a solution. Thanks for the great insight Chas.

http://www.aa.org

In five short days, eleven people died on Minnesota Highways, eight of them teenagers. It would be of no surprise if the teen drivers were under the influence of alcohol or another drug, but they weren’t. But intoxication was not far away. In the accident that caused 6 0f the deaths, the passengers had been drinking. They were having a party.

Loving to get high is more than just being under the influence, it’s all about the thrill of the moment, no matter the consequences.

It’s Two AM, you’re partying with your friends, they’ve been drinking, it’s your job to drive and keep them safe. No one is wearing a seat belt, there’s loud music, everyone is having fun  and bam you hit an SUV head on. All of your friends are killed and you survive. What a horrible scenario.

This moment can not be taken back, it happened in a split second and caused six deaths. Lives and families and communities changed forever. It seems so unnecessary. Why do things like this happen?

In an interview, one of their friends said “We live in a small town, it’s boring, there is nothing to do, so we drink”. A great excuse, but what’s going on is more than boredom. It’s how we deal with boredom.

Being entertained is a expected in today’s society. “Loving to get High” is “Entertainment without Limits”! Loving to get high is not limited to  just  drinking and using drugs. It also includes; driving fast, staying out late, hanging out with friends, loud music, having sex, gambling, risky behavior, lying to parents, skipping school, bullying, driving drunk and the list goes on.

Loving to get high is the whole package of fun, thrills and risky behavior. All with little or no consideration of the consequences.

Parents, our kids have high expectations when it comes to having fun, and to  some degree we stand by and watch it happen. It’s time to start asking questions. Where are you going? Who are you going with? Where are the other parents? What is curfew? Who’s driving?

More importantly we need to be asking these questions: What’s important in your life? What makes life worth living? How are you dealing with stress? What can I do to help? How do you make tough decisions about risky behavior? Who do you talk to when you’re really stressed out?

Our kids need our help. Society has created a dangerous precedent for their emotional high, but no consideration for their emotional wellbeing.

That’s our job.

Jeff Bridges plays a down and out alcoholic country singer in the movie “Crazy Heart”. It is absolutely an award winning performance.

Alcoholism looks different for an adult than the “loving to get high syndrome” does for an adolescent. The role of Bad Blake gives us a glimpse of what  loving to get high turns into if not dealt with.

On the soundtrack you get a musical sense of the power of alcoholism. The song Fallin’ & Flyin’, written by Stephen Bruton and Gary Nicholson does a great job of showing the heaven and hell aspect to drinking.

Fallin’ & Flyin’ by Stephen Bruton and Gary Nicholson

“I’m going where I shouldn’t go,

seeing who I shouldn’t see,

doing what I shouldn’t do,

being who I shouldn’t be.

A little voice tells me it’s all wrong,

another voice it’s alright.

Used to think that I was strong,

but lately I just lost the fight.

Funny how fallin’ feels like flyin’, for a little while.”

Funny how fallin’ feels like flyin’, is what’s behind loving to get high. Without the sense of flying no one would ever fall in love with getting high.

Thank you Hollywood for understanding alcoholism and addiction,  now you need to figure out where it starts, with Loving to Get High.

• When you get a call late Saturday night telling you that your son has overdosed and is in the Emergency Room, your DENIAL is confronted.
• When the Principal calls and tells you that your daughter has been suspended for coming to school drunk, your DENIAL is confronted.
• When you wake up in the middle of the night and your car and your kid are gone, your DENIAL is confronted, or at least it should be.

It can be devastating to all of a sudden realize that your kid is in trouble. Why didn’t I figure this out earlier? What else is going on? Will they be OK? Is this just a one time occurrence?  Which one of their friends can I blame this on? We start asking ourselves a thousand questions, all in a way of coming to terms with this new discovery.

Our DENIAL is confronted by something that happens to our kid, something that we can no longer ignore. This confrontation comes from a consequence. It’s a consequence of their alcohol/drug use, of loving to get high. Up ‘til now they have dodged the bullet, avoided being found out success and fully covered their tracks.

For some kids this has been easy, because we have helped them out. We’ve had our head in the sand. We’ve continued to say things like; “Not my kid!” and “Boys will be boys!” or “At least it was only Alcohol!”

This is what we call Denial. We love our kids and don’t want bad things to happen to them, so it’s easy to understand how and why this happens. But we need to put this idea aside and realize that pretending as if this didn’t exist doesn’t help anyone.

Consequences are a sign that things are out-of-control. Loving to get high is starting to catch up on our kid. This doesn’t mean that problems didn’t exist before; it just means that we didn’t see it or that they were able to keep it a secret.

My hope is that the “loving to Get High Syndrome™” and this blog will help parents wake up sooner, rather than later. And to not experience that frightening phone call in the middle of the night or the embarrassing call from the Principal. Before things are out of control, we need to remember that we are in control of how we perceive things. It’s time to take a deep breath and confront the possibility that our kid might love to get high and they are doing everything possible to keep it a secret.

The University of Minnesota has done a longitudinal study of more that 20,000 teenagers, with a surprising conclusion. Teens don’t participate in risky behavior because they think that they are invincible, it’s because they feel very vulnerable, and they think that they are likely to die at a young age.

 Loving to get high is fuel for this fire, “if I’m going to die young, I may as well party to the max, for tomorrow I might be dead.”

 Please read this article, it will give you a lot to talk about with your son or daughter.

One of my part time jobs is driving Limousine. This is my 10^th Prom season, which I thoroughly enjoy. It is fun to see all of the young people decked out in full regalia.

My last prom was two weeks ago, with eight kids from the suburbs. I gave them the usual no smoking and no drinking lecture. They were fine with that. They had no intention of smoking or drinking. At least they didn’t plan on drinking alcohol. An hour later when I dropped them off for dinner, I found 22 empty bottles of “5 Hour Energy, extra strength”. That’s a lot of Caffeine. They were flying high. And it was all legal; they didn’t break any rules, mine or those of their High School.

I really don’t know much about these kids other than they were pleasant, polite, personable, and popped-up on caffeine. I don’t even know if any of them love getting high; all I know is that their first hour of the prom was a blast, loud music and a lot of energy. They opted for an experience that took them out of the ordinary and into the extraordinary.