LOVING TO GET HIGH SYNDROME

In five short days, eleven people died on Minnesota Highways, eight of them teenagers. It would be of no surprise if the teen drivers were under the influence of alcohol or another drug, but they weren’t. But intoxication was not far away. In the accident that caused 6 0f the deaths, the passengers had been drinking. They were having a party.

Loving to get high is more than just being under the influence, it’s all about the thrill of the moment, no matter the consequences.

It’s Two AM, you’re partying with your friends, they’ve been drinking, it’s your job to drive and keep them safe. No one is wearing a seat belt, there’s loud music, everyone is having fun  and bam you hit an SUV head on. All of your friends are killed and you survive. What a horrible scenario.

This moment can not be taken back, it happened in a split second and caused six deaths. Lives and families and communities changed forever. It seems so unnecessary. Why do things like this happen?

In an interview, one of their friends said “We live in a small town, it’s boring, there is nothing to do, so we drink”. A great excuse, but what’s going on is more than boredom. It’s how we deal with boredom.

Being entertained is a expected in today’s society. “Loving to get High” is “Entertainment without Limits”! Loving to get high is not limited to  just  drinking and using drugs. It also includes; driving fast, staying out late, hanging out with friends, loud music, having sex, gambling, risky behavior, lying to parents, skipping school, bullying, driving drunk and the list goes on.

Loving to get high is the whole package of fun, thrills and risky behavior. All with little or no consideration of the consequences.

Parents, our kids have high expectations when it comes to having fun, and to  some degree we stand by and watch it happen. It’s time to start asking questions. Where are you going? Who are you going with? Where are the other parents? What is curfew? Who’s driving?

More importantly we need to be asking these questions: What’s important in your life? What makes life worth living? How are you dealing with stress? What can I do to help? How do you make tough decisions about risky behavior? Who do you talk to when you’re really stressed out?

Our kids need our help. Society has created a dangerous precedent for their emotional high, but no consideration for their emotional wellbeing.

That’s our job.

When parenting a teen it is important to consider the possibility that they might be up to something that you don’t want to know about, like getting high or drunk. It is important to ask yourself; Is this possible? How did this happen? Why didn’t I see it? Now what do I do? Here are some questions that will help you explore these possibilities.

• If your relationship with your teen were ideal, what’s one thing that would be different?
• Describe any issues that might be going on: behaviors, attitude, conflicts, suspicions.
• How does your teen push your buttons? Frustrate you? Make you angry, sad, anxious, worried?
• What are you putting up with? Tolerating? Excusing? Justifying?
• What does your gut tell you is going on?

If you find these questions difficult to answer or are confused about what this all means, please e-mail me at coacht@usinternet.com and start a discussion about these issues.

The Addiction Project is produced by HBO in partnership with the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation, the National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA) and the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (NIAAA).

The human brain is an extraordinarily complex and fine-tuned communications network containing billions of specialized cells (neurons) that give origin to our thoughts, emotions, perceptions and drives. Often, a drug is taken the first time by choice to feel pleasure or to relieve depression or stress. But this notion of choice is short-lived. Why? Because repeated drug use disrupts well-balanced systems in the human brain in ways that persist, eventually replacing a person’s normal needs and desires with a one-track mission to seek and use drugs. At this point, normal desires and motives will have a hard time competing with the desire to take a drug.

http://www.hbo.com/addiction

Being bummed by life; stressed, unhappy, miserable, desperate, is all too common for young people. What do our kids do with this stress? How do they deal with this emotional ups and downs? Do they talk to you about any of this? Who do they talk to? Who’s giving them advise on how to cope? Is it possible that they have actually taken steps to deal with stress on their own, with the advice of their friends?

One very common way to deal with this is to experiment with a M.A.C. (Mood Altering Chemical) Some kids try it and find out that they don’t like it or they can take it or leave it.

Some will however discover the complete opposite. For them it can be a discovery of a life time, Bliss. They love the way it makes them feel. When I speak to groups of students about shifting from being Bummed to experiencing Bliss, they know what I’m talking about, they get it. They will even site specific times when they experienced this shift.

This swing from Bummed to Bliss is the Critical Point of the Loving to Get High Syndrome. It’s as if the Heavens opened up and they discovered a whole new way of living. What used to be a problem has now disappeared. What caused stress no longer exists, (at least now, at this very moment). This is not figured out on an academic level, they actually  experience the emotional relief  from getting high.

As a parent we can’t compete with this powerful dynamic of swinging from bummed to bliss, if we try we will lose. It is also ineffective to try to talk them out of it. Their mind is set. They love the way this makes them feel.

I’m not saying that it is hopeless. The swing from Bummed to Bliss, comes with natural consequences. It’s our job to let this happen, allow them to feel the pain, to experience the consequences. More than that it’s our job to open our eyes and see what’s really going on. We are not helping anyone by staying in denial, by pretending that our son/daughter is not getting high and loving it.

The path out of this mess takes courage, understanding and tough love. (and of course, attending a support group like Alanon.) Kids deserve a normal life, not the roller-coaster ride that getting high provides, even if the bliss is worth the price of admission.

• When you get a call late Saturday night telling you that your son has overdosed and is in the Emergency Room, your DENIAL is confronted.
• When the Principal calls and tells you that your daughter has been suspended for coming to school drunk, your DENIAL is confronted.
• When you wake up in the middle of the night and your car and your kid are gone, your DENIAL is confronted, or at least it should be.

It can be devastating to all of a sudden realize that your kid is in trouble. Why didn’t I figure this out earlier? What else is going on? Will they be OK? Is this just a one time occurrence?  Which one of their friends can I blame this on? We start asking ourselves a thousand questions, all in a way of coming to terms with this new discovery.

Our DENIAL is confronted by something that happens to our kid, something that we can no longer ignore. This confrontation comes from a consequence. It’s a consequence of their alcohol/drug use, of loving to get high. Up ‘til now they have dodged the bullet, avoided being found out success and fully covered their tracks.

For some kids this has been easy, because we have helped them out. We’ve had our head in the sand. We’ve continued to say things like; “Not my kid!” and “Boys will be boys!” or “At least it was only Alcohol!”

This is what we call Denial. We love our kids and don’t want bad things to happen to them, so it’s easy to understand how and why this happens. But we need to put this idea aside and realize that pretending as if this didn’t exist doesn’t help anyone.

Consequences are a sign that things are out-of-control. Loving to get high is starting to catch up on our kid. This doesn’t mean that problems didn’t exist before; it just means that we didn’t see it or that they were able to keep it a secret.

My hope is that the “loving to Get High Syndrome™” and this blog will help parents wake up sooner, rather than later. And to not experience that frightening phone call in the middle of the night or the embarrassing call from the Principal. Before things are out of control, we need to remember that we are in control of how we perceive things. It’s time to take a deep breath and confront the possibility that our kid might love to get high and they are doing everything possible to keep it a secret.

Reefer Madness? Marijuana, increased potency is the gateway to a debate on addiction and treatment.

“It was as if she woke up one day, and decades of her life had disappeared. Joyce, 52 and a writer in Manhattan, started smoking pot when she was 15, and for years it was a pleasant escape, a calming protective cloud. Then it became an obsession, something she needed to get through the day. She found herself hiding her addiction from her family, friends and co-workers.”

Loving to get high can happen to people of any age, from all walks of life and on any chemical. Your kids may tell you that pot is not addictive. Well it is. With the higher potency of THC, the chance of addiction and the need for treatment is on the rise, according to a 2004 study in the Journal of the American Medical Association.

It’s time for us as parents to look at pot from a new perspective. The pot that our kid’s parents and grandparents used, (that sounds weird) can’t be compared in “addict-ability” or “Loving to Get High-Ability” to the  pot today’s kids are using!

It’s time to to talk.

Parents, I want you to hear this message now.

 The loving to get high syndrome needs our attention. There is something going on in the lives of our kids that we need to look at. If we ignore the signs and symptoms, it will morph into something more difficult to deal with, chemical dependency.

 The hear and now that I’m using is actually a play on the words for here and now, which is a popular way to talk about where and how we should live our lives. The benefit of living in the here and now is that we are not going to be gripped by our past or overwhelmed with the future.

 When our kids are bummed about life it is usually because of stress about the past and fears and worries about their future. With the use of a MAC (Mood Altering Chemical) a young person can experience a swing from bummed to bliss. This is a way for them to return to the benefits of the here and now.

Because of this, here and now becomes a significant part of the loving to get high syndrome.

 As parents, we are probably very accustomed to accepting a life filled with worry and regret. This is just a part of our job description. But because our kid’s job is to have fun and not settle into this kind of rut, they are usually a little more creative in how they deal with this stress and worry.

 They find that they can get back to here and now by getting high. Under the influence of a MAC all of the stress of the past and the worry about the future disappears. This feeling of relief is powerful. It’s the feeling of being alive without a care in the world.

 Having consequences from getting high is also a part of the here and now. But for our kids it is a very unpleasant something that they want to avoid. It is an instant reminder that getting high is not all fun and games. This is, however, one of the most important life lessons a young person can learn (if we let them).

 All too often we swing in and fix the situation or rescue them from the pain. We take away the lesson that they would gain from this particular consequence. The more these lessons disappear, the more they will conclude that getting high is just plain fun without any real down side.  As you can see, this will perpetuate the loving to get high syndrome.

 Parents, this can actually be your message to your son or daughter, “Hear this message now!  There are consequences to getting high.”

It’s hard to imagine that our sons and daughters are getting high. It’s easier for us to keep an image of their innocent childhood, denying the possibility that they are going out and getting wasted. Unimaginable, but true, the experience of getting high, is very real for them; one of the most real things that they will ever experience.

 I still remember the shock and horror that I felt when I watched my 4 year old daughter respond to the effects of Nitrous Oxide. She got this “I’m as high as a kite” smile on her face. Even though I knew that this powerful drug would ease her pain, I still knew that it wasn’t a look that belonged on the face of my little girl.

 Parenting is tough. It’s hard to watch our children lose their innocence and start doing things that hurt them and us. We naturally want to protect them.  As hard as we try, we can’t. What we end up doing instead is protecting ourselves psychologically, by denying that this is actually happening. This wishful thinking doesn’t help us or our kids; in fact the problem gets worse the longer we hang on to this less than accurate picture.   

 Courage, understanding and tough love are the steps we can take in order to deal with the denial of this problem. A parent in one of my groups called denial the silent killer. What an insight for a mom with a son who loved to get high. As painful as it is to realize, it is very important we understand that loving to get high will not just go away.

 I’ve helped train the D.A.R.E. officers in Minnesota for years. I love the program and respect all of the Police Officers who take part in the training. Most of the graduates can’t imagine the thought of getting high. They have made a commitment to saying “No” to drugs. But for many kids, what was unimaginable becomes imaginable.

 Things change; the way young people think changes, their opinions about right and wrong change, their circumstances change, being able to imagine getting high changes. This is a reality that has changed. Now it’s time for us to do the same.

 A couple of years ago, while visiting my son in jail I met a mom who was wearing a sweatshirt that had the Serenity Prayer on it. Because of what was going on with my son at the time, this very familiar prayer took on a whole new meaning.

 God grant me the serenity

to accept the things I cannot change;

courage to change the things I can;

and wisdom to know the difference.

                                                - Reinhold Niebuhr