LOVING TO GET HIGH SYNDROME

When parenting a teen it is important to consider the possibility that they might be up to something that you don’t want to know about, like getting high or drunk. It is important to ask yourself; Is this possible? How did this happen? Why didn’t I see it? Now what do I do? Here are some questions that will help you explore these possibilities.

• If your relationship with your teen were ideal, what’s one thing that would be different?
• Describe any issues that might be going on: behaviors, attitude, conflicts, suspicions.
• How does your teen push your buttons? Frustrate you? Make you angry, sad, anxious, worried?
• What are you putting up with? Tolerating? Excusing? Justifying?
• What does your gut tell you is going on?

If you find these questions difficult to answer or are confused about what this all means, please e-mail me at coacht@usinternet.com and start a discussion about these issues.

Jeff Bridges plays a down and out alcoholic country singer in the movie “Crazy Heart”. It is absolutely an award winning performance.

Alcoholism looks different for an adult than the “loving to get high syndrome” does for an adolescent. The role of Bad Blake gives us a glimpse of what  loving to get high turns into if not dealt with.

On the soundtrack you get a musical sense of the power of alcoholism. The song Fallin’ & Flyin’, written by Stephen Bruton and Gary Nicholson does a great job of showing the heaven and hell aspect to drinking.

Fallin’ & Flyin’ by Stephen Bruton and Gary Nicholson

“I’m going where I shouldn’t go,

seeing who I shouldn’t see,

doing what I shouldn’t do,

being who I shouldn’t be.

A little voice tells me it’s all wrong,

another voice it’s alright.

Used to think that I was strong,

but lately I just lost the fight.

Funny how fallin’ feels like flyin’, for a little while.”

Funny how fallin’ feels like flyin’, is what’s behind loving to get high. Without the sense of flying no one would ever fall in love with getting high.

Thank you Hollywood for understanding alcoholism and addiction,  now you need to figure out where it starts, with Loving to Get High.

It’s hard to imagine that our sons and daughters are getting high. It’s easier for us to keep an image of their innocent childhood, denying the possibility that they are going out and getting wasted. Unimaginable, but true, the experience of getting high, is very real for them; one of the most real things that they will ever experience.

 I still remember the shock and horror that I felt when I watched my 4 year old daughter respond to the effects of Nitrous Oxide. She got this “I’m as high as a kite” smile on her face. Even though I knew that this powerful drug would ease her pain, I still knew that it wasn’t a look that belonged on the face of my little girl.

 Parenting is tough. It’s hard to watch our children lose their innocence and start doing things that hurt them and us. We naturally want to protect them.  As hard as we try, we can’t. What we end up doing instead is protecting ourselves psychologically, by denying that this is actually happening. This wishful thinking doesn’t help us or our kids; in fact the problem gets worse the longer we hang on to this less than accurate picture.   

 Courage, understanding and tough love are the steps we can take in order to deal with the denial of this problem. A parent in one of my groups called denial the silent killer. What an insight for a mom with a son who loved to get high. As painful as it is to realize, it is very important we understand that loving to get high will not just go away.

 I’ve helped train the D.A.R.E. officers in Minnesota for years. I love the program and respect all of the Police Officers who take part in the training. Most of the graduates can’t imagine the thought of getting high. They have made a commitment to saying “No” to drugs. But for many kids, what was unimaginable becomes imaginable.

 Things change; the way young people think changes, their opinions about right and wrong change, their circumstances change, being able to imagine getting high changes. This is a reality that has changed. Now it’s time for us to do the same.

 A couple of years ago, while visiting my son in jail I met a mom who was wearing a sweatshirt that had the Serenity Prayer on it. Because of what was going on with my son at the time, this very familiar prayer took on a whole new meaning.

 God grant me the serenity

to accept the things I cannot change;

courage to change the things I can;

and wisdom to know the difference.

                                                - Reinhold Niebuhr