LOVING TO GET HIGH SYNDROME

In 1949 two wonderful things happened, I was born and Hazelden Treatment Center started providing treatment for alcoholics. Fast forward 61 years, I am writing a blog for parents and Hazelden has launched an on-line forum for parents. We have joined the the new media era of the World Wide Web.

“Families Facing Addiction, Uniting families in hope and healing” can be found by clicking here.

As a parent raising a kid that loves to get high you will find valuable resources from blogs, videos, forums, chat rooms, and event postings for community education.

You can also become a member and contribute to this great on-line forum for parents.

Going back to school should mean “bummer dude, summer’s over”. But for a lot of kids it’s a time of excitement, “I’m back hanging with all of my friends”.

School inadvertently provides kids who “Love to Get High” access to parties, new friends, the latest trends in getting high, pills, pot, and some alcohol. (not as easy to get as pot, according to students)

Parents it’s great to have the resources that school provides to help you parent; structure, homework, role models, care and support. But it’s our job to get involved, visit, call, find out if the staff at school has any concerns.

Parents, your other job is to wake-up to the fact that your kid might be getting high and loving it. If this is the case they will be keeping it a secret. You will be the last ones to find out.

Start talking, asking questions, stay connected, with school, other parents and most importantly your son or daughter. It may make all of the difference in the world.

Prescription for Disaster

The DEA (Drug Enforcement Agency) has published the results of a survey about teens and prescription drugs. Prescription For Disaster: how teens abuse medicine is an excellent resource for parents.

• One in five teens have tried prescription drugs.
• One in ten teens report abusing cough medicine.
• Two in five teens think that prescription drugs are safer than illegal drugs.
• One in three teens believe that there is nothing wrong with using prescription drugs once in a while.

This article spells out common drugs that are abused and helpful tips on what parents can do to counteract the potential abuse by teens. Print this article out and share it with your teen.

When parenting a teen it is important to consider the possibility that they might be up to something that you don’t want to know about, like getting high or drunk. It is important to ask yourself; Is this possible? How did this happen? Why didn’t I see it? Now what do I do? Here are some questions that will help you explore these possibilities.

• If your relationship with your teen were ideal, what’s one thing that would be different?
• Describe any issues that might be going on: behaviors, attitude, conflicts, suspicions.
• How does your teen push your buttons? Frustrate you? Make you angry, sad, anxious, worried?
• What are you putting up with? Tolerating? Excusing? Justifying?
• What does your gut tell you is going on?

If you find these questions difficult to answer or are confused about what this all means, please e-mail me at coacht@usinternet.com and start a discussion about these issues.

Jeff Bridges plays a down and out alcoholic country singer in the movie “Crazy Heart”. It is absolutely an award winning performance.

Alcoholism looks different for an adult than the “loving to get high syndrome” does for an adolescent. The role of Bad Blake gives us a glimpse of what  loving to get high turns into if not dealt with.

On the soundtrack you get a musical sense of the power of alcoholism. The song Fallin’ & Flyin’, written by Stephen Bruton and Gary Nicholson does a great job of showing the heaven and hell aspect to drinking.

Fallin’ & Flyin’ by Stephen Bruton and Gary Nicholson

“I’m going where I shouldn’t go,

seeing who I shouldn’t see,

doing what I shouldn’t do,

being who I shouldn’t be.

A little voice tells me it’s all wrong,

another voice it’s alright.

Used to think that I was strong,

but lately I just lost the fight.

Funny how fallin’ feels like flyin’, for a little while.”

Funny how fallin’ feels like flyin’, is what’s behind loving to get high. Without the sense of flying no one would ever fall in love with getting high.

Thank you Hollywood for understanding alcoholism and addiction,  now you need to figure out where it starts, with Loving to Get High.

It’s time I give my son some praise.

Christmas Eve is always a big deal at our house. A lot of food, music, family, friends, gifts and games. This year was no exception. We had a Christmas Carole Sing Along with my mother on piano and a friend Rebecca, on Fiddle. Wonderful. The food was spectacular. Our youngest daughter is a Pastry Chef and our youngest son a Food Chef. Their creations were the best they have ever been.

My son, who gave me the inspiration to this web-site, “Wowed” me with his cooking. Short-Ribs and Brussel Spouts, the best I’ve ever had.  He has developed into a talented and successful Chef. His contribution to our family is significant.

Maybe the key to this success is similar to the key to his loving to get high, PASSION. He is passionate about cooking, food preparation, food presentation, his job, his co-workers and his customers. This passion is being directed into something that he is proud of and wants to show-off. For that I am very grateful.

Son, you are doing great, I’m proud of you.

P.S. I’ve discovered that if you want to comment on my blog you need to first click on the “Title of the Post”, which will take you to a page where you can leave a comment. Your comments are greatly appreciated.

No matter who we are, we all have the same Values.

How could this be true? It is not the presence or absence of values, we all work off of the same list, it is how important  they are to us. How we prioritize them? How we honor them?

If your number one value is concern for others and your son/daughters number one value is friendship, you may assume that there would be no conflict. At first glance they seem completely compatible, but when you look more closely, you can see that values can give us something to fight about.

Hidden in your message of “concern for others” may be the opinion, “You are not concerned about me”. His/her value of friendship may communicate the message, “Quit bugging me about my friends!”

List of values.

(Circle your top 5 values and ask your son or daughter to do the same.)

Accomplishment,    Concern for others,    Creativity,    Pleasure,   Spirituality,    Accountability,    Power,    Reliability,    Discovery,   Freedom,   Honesty,   Openness,   Respect,   Friendship,    Independence,   Privacy,   Trust.

Discuss the results. What does it say about your relationship? Do these values reflect behaviors? Resentments? Opinions?

Loving to get high is an intense commitment to values.

Independence, freedom, friendship, creativity, pleasure, spontaneity are easily honored values in the life of a young person who loves to get high.

As a parent let’s not assume that “I have good values and you don’t”. It’s not true. What we need to look at is what we’ve attached these values to.

As a parent you need to ask, “Have I attached accountability, honesty and trust to trying to control my kid”?  Has your teen attached independence, privacy and freedom to getting high?

We all have the same list of values, let’s start talking about what they mean to us. Let the learning begin.

The Addiction Project is produced by HBO in partnership with the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation, the National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA) and the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (NIAAA).

The human brain is an extraordinarily complex and fine-tuned communications network containing billions of specialized cells (neurons) that give origin to our thoughts, emotions, perceptions and drives. Often, a drug is taken the first time by choice to feel pleasure or to relieve depression or stress. But this notion of choice is short-lived. Why? Because repeated drug use disrupts well-balanced systems in the human brain in ways that persist, eventually replacing a person’s normal needs and desires with a one-track mission to seek and use drugs. At this point, normal desires and motives will have a hard time competing with the desire to take a drug.

http://www.hbo.com/addiction

Being bummed by life; stressed, unhappy, miserable, desperate, is all too common for young people. What do our kids do with this stress? How do they deal with this emotional ups and downs? Do they talk to you about any of this? Who do they talk to? Who’s giving them advise on how to cope? Is it possible that they have actually taken steps to deal with stress on their own, with the advice of their friends?

One very common way to deal with this is to experiment with a M.A.C. (Mood Altering Chemical) Some kids try it and find out that they don’t like it or they can take it or leave it.

Some will however discover the complete opposite. For them it can be a discovery of a life time, Bliss. They love the way it makes them feel. When I speak to groups of students about shifting from being Bummed to experiencing Bliss, they know what I’m talking about, they get it. They will even site specific times when they experienced this shift.

This swing from Bummed to Bliss is the Critical Point of the Loving to Get High Syndrome. It’s as if the Heavens opened up and they discovered a whole new way of living. What used to be a problem has now disappeared. What caused stress no longer exists, (at least now, at this very moment). This is not figured out on an academic level, they actually  experience the emotional relief  from getting high.

As a parent we can’t compete with this powerful dynamic of swinging from bummed to bliss, if we try we will lose. It is also ineffective to try to talk them out of it. Their mind is set. They love the way this makes them feel.

I’m not saying that it is hopeless. The swing from Bummed to Bliss, comes with natural consequences. It’s our job to let this happen, allow them to feel the pain, to experience the consequences. More than that it’s our job to open our eyes and see what’s really going on. We are not helping anyone by staying in denial, by pretending that our son/daughter is not getting high and loving it.

The path out of this mess takes courage, understanding and tough love. (and of course, attending a support group like Alanon.) Kids deserve a normal life, not the roller-coaster ride that getting high provides, even if the bliss is worth the price of admission.

This is a powerfully, edgy blog post by a rock musician. I don’t know anything about who he is, what kind of music he makes, or where he lives. All I know is that he “Loves to Get High” and he articulates it in a very powerful way.

People think my addiction is a weakness. They say it is “humiliating” or “degrading” to watch me chase drugs or get high. But I say humiliation is a relative term. It’s only humiliating if I’m humiliated, and it’s only a lonely lifestyle if I feel lonely. Sure, the first time I tried drugs; it might have been motivated by weakness, by loneliness, but not anymore. I mean, consider all the acts committed out of loneliness or weakness that turned into great meaningful pursuits.

And now I’m completely in motion, I can’t even stop if I wanted to and I love every minute of it (not every minute, but that’s true of any great work). “Yes, but what are you producing? What are you creating?” That’s what most people claim is the difference between what I’m doing and what I’m drawing parallels with.

But I say that I’m creating my own perceptions, I’m creating sensual symphonies and emotional masterpieces. When my world falls and crumbles to pieces, in a matter of hours I can whip up the wind of my personal life into a froth of manipulation and borrowed money and bummed rides and pawned accessories and with my face down in the f–king dirt, surrounded by the foulest scum of the earth, I can feel as high as the damn clouds. I feel like, with my mouth open against the gravel or the pavement, that I could swallow the whole world. I can shape my mind into a mountain, and stretch my body over it like a rubber band, and snap, snap, snap, against the bottom just for fun. I have access to another plane of existence; it’s like a magic power that takes certain expensive keys and all of my energy to perform. I merely dabble in the world you call “The World” and my place is not here, it’s a step above. Sometimes I sink back down here, but it’s not long before I’m back up where I belong.

Parents, it’s important to realize this is a personal testimony by a Rock Star that your kids look up to. The scary thing is that your son or daughter may agree with him 100%. It’s time to wake up to this possibility.

Posted by Bent Ruth a member of a Canadian rock band http://www.gramophone.com