LOVING TO GET HIGH SYNDROME

I’ve created a list of things that our sons and daughters want and need.

Acceptance, Adventure, Affection, Affluence, Appreciation, Belonging, Bliss, Boldness, Care, Cleverness, Confidence, Connection, Control, Coolness, Courage, Curiosity, Desire, Determination, Devotion, Dignity, Discovery, Ecstasy, Encouragement, Energy, Enjoyment, Entertainment, Enthusiasm, Experience, Fairness, Fame, Family, Fashion, Freedom, Fun, etc.

This is a partial “List of Values” important to our kids. It includes A-F, only 6 of the 26 letters in the alphabet. As short as this list is, it speaks volumes about their emotional wants and needs.

As a parent we need to ask ourselves and our kids, “How’s it going?” “Are you getting what you want and need?” “What can I do to help?”

Meeting and fulfilling lifes wants and needs helps determine lifes outcome. What can we do to make this happen?

In five short days, eleven people died on Minnesota Highways, eight of them teenagers. It would be of no surprise if the teen drivers were under the influence of alcohol or another drug, but they weren’t. But intoxication was not far away. In the accident that caused 6 0f the deaths, the passengers had been drinking. They were having a party.

Loving to get high is more than just being under the influence, it’s all about the thrill of the moment, no matter the consequences.

It’s Two AM, you’re partying with your friends, they’ve been drinking, it’s your job to drive and keep them safe. No one is wearing a seat belt, there’s loud music, everyone is having fun  and bam you hit an SUV head on. All of your friends are killed and you survive. What a horrible scenario.

This moment can not be taken back, it happened in a split second and caused six deaths. Lives and families and communities changed forever. It seems so unnecessary. Why do things like this happen?

In an interview, one of their friends said “We live in a small town, it’s boring, there is nothing to do, so we drink”. A great excuse, but what’s going on is more than boredom. It’s how we deal with boredom.

Being entertained is a expected in today’s society. “Loving to get High” is “Entertainment without Limits”! Loving to get high is not limited to  just  drinking and using drugs. It also includes; driving fast, staying out late, hanging out with friends, loud music, having sex, gambling, risky behavior, lying to parents, skipping school, bullying, driving drunk and the list goes on.

Loving to get high is the whole package of fun, thrills and risky behavior. All with little or no consideration of the consequences.

Parents, our kids have high expectations when it comes to having fun, and to  some degree we stand by and watch it happen. It’s time to start asking questions. Where are you going? Who are you going with? Where are the other parents? What is curfew? Who’s driving?

More importantly we need to be asking these questions: What’s important in your life? What makes life worth living? How are you dealing with stress? What can I do to help? How do you make tough decisions about risky behavior? Who do you talk to when you’re really stressed out?

Our kids need our help. Society has created a dangerous precedent for their emotional high, but no consideration for their emotional wellbeing.

That’s our job.

It’s time I give my son some praise.

Christmas Eve is always a big deal at our house. A lot of food, music, family, friends, gifts and games. This year was no exception. We had a Christmas Carole Sing Along with my mother on piano and a friend Rebecca, on Fiddle. Wonderful. The food was spectacular. Our youngest daughter is a Pastry Chef and our youngest son a Food Chef. Their creations were the best they have ever been.

My son, who gave me the inspiration to this web-site, “Wowed” me with his cooking. Short-Ribs and Brussel Spouts, the best I’ve ever had.  He has developed into a talented and successful Chef. His contribution to our family is significant.

Maybe the key to this success is similar to the key to his loving to get high, PASSION. He is passionate about cooking, food preparation, food presentation, his job, his co-workers and his customers. This passion is being directed into something that he is proud of and wants to show-off. For that I am very grateful.

Son, you are doing great, I’m proud of you.

P.S. I’ve discovered that if you want to comment on my blog you need to first click on the “Title of the Post”, which will take you to a page where you can leave a comment. Your comments are greatly appreciated.

No matter who we are, we all have the same Values.

How could this be true? It is not the presence or absence of values, we all work off of the same list, it is how important  they are to us. How we prioritize them? How we honor them?

If your number one value is concern for others and your son/daughters number one value is friendship, you may assume that there would be no conflict. At first glance they seem completely compatible, but when you look more closely, you can see that values can give us something to fight about.

Hidden in your message of “concern for others” may be the opinion, “You are not concerned about me”. His/her value of friendship may communicate the message, “Quit bugging me about my friends!”

List of values.

(Circle your top 5 values and ask your son or daughter to do the same.)

Accomplishment,    Concern for others,    Creativity,    Pleasure,   Spirituality,    Accountability,    Power,    Reliability,    Discovery,   Freedom,   Honesty,   Openness,   Respect,   Friendship,    Independence,   Privacy,   Trust.

Discuss the results. What does it say about your relationship? Do these values reflect behaviors? Resentments? Opinions?

Loving to get high is an intense commitment to values.

Independence, freedom, friendship, creativity, pleasure, spontaneity are easily honored values in the life of a young person who loves to get high.

As a parent let’s not assume that “I have good values and you don’t”. It’s not true. What we need to look at is what we’ve attached these values to.

As a parent you need to ask, “Have I attached accountability, honesty and trust to trying to control my kid”?  Has your teen attached independence, privacy and freedom to getting high?

We all have the same list of values, let’s start talking about what they mean to us. Let the learning begin.